My name, written with a new gel pen, smeared on the cover of my new spiral notebook when I sat down in the second row of desks. I was giddy. The lights dimmed and I looked up at the first image on the first day of my first graduate school class - and it was a skull. The … Continue reading My Memento Mori
For several weeks my mother gently encouraged me to consider a wig. "We all wore them when you were little. Remember the picture of you and me when you were tiny?" The picture arrived on my phone. I demurred, saying I was opting for the Jackie O look to make use of my scarf collection. She revisited the subject … Continue reading Mother Knows Best
My sister Sarah has been harassing me for days asking to help. Truly, every morning I get a text asking, "How may I help you today?" Her persistence and annoying texts paid off and today was her big day. She got the bid to take me to MD Anderson for my echocardiogram and chemo using … Continue reading Sister Act
Vocabulary.com lists four definitions for the noun "port," none of which refer to the device that was implanted below my left clavicle today. Place where items enter/leave a country, an opening in a wall for firing through, the left side of a ship and a sweet wine originally from Portugal do not describe my new accessory. The "oh, and it … Continue reading Mechanical Elements in Me
Today was my inaugural day at MD Anderson and my first disappointment came early. I purchased the most fabulous gold "chemo shoes" to cheer me up while poison drips into my veins, but was so strung out this morning that I forgot to wear them. Instead, I wore the black Vans-like pair I threw on … Continue reading First Steps
Looking for meaning in this cancer diagnosis has proven to be a futile, yet time/heart/mind-consuming exercise. I'm feeling a bit unfairly and cosmically bullied. I play by the rules and do as I'm told. I volunteer at my kids' schools. My high school senior class named me Apple Polisher. "I've tried so damn hard," I texted college … Continue reading Not Getting the Pictograph
I am grateful for friends who ask how they can help and sheepish when I don't know how to reply. (The case of rosé wine on the day I received my treatment plan was MOST appreciated.) Below are a few thoughts someone helped me put together... In keeping with Jeppe Hein's sculpture/wall art at the Museum … Continue reading Please…
"How can you convey the fact that the presence of somebody is greater or different from their appearance?" asked British artist Antony Gormley. This was the question behind his 1999 QUANTUM CLOUDS series. This will also be the question I consistently ask as I begin my treatment protocol at MD Anderson on Tuesday, November 15. The good … Continue reading Where I Stand
Because every woman in my family has had breast cancer (back to great grandmothers), I get my checkups at MD Anderson's High Risk Clinic. In early October I had a routine mammogram and not-so-routine callback that same visit. The nurse practitioner rang a few days later. "Do you have a minute?" she asked, as I navigated two school zones on Westheimer … Continue reading Louise, Eve, Me
